Now I Know

February 27, 2012

Monday,  about 5 PM while you’re bound to Cebu via Ocean Jet for a 2-day training.

Dear Dady Kidron,

I am feeling better now dady after our heart to heart talk last Saturday Night ‘til dawn. We both cried and it really helped to lessen the burden in our hearts.  I feel now that we are stronger than before.  Everything is clear, no more doubts.  I know now my exact place in your heart and life.  Thank you so much for everything dady.  I love you so much as always! J Hope you’ll never forget our pact.  I just want all the best for you. 

You are always part of my life dady, nothing will change. I can’t get thru a day without thinking and loving you. 

I don’t want to ruin everything we have dady, I want to treasure our moments forever. I will lower my pride, I will junk my doubts, I will understand everything dady. This is LOVE.

You are the best thing that’s ever been mine Dady Kidron Gwapo!!!  J

The Closure :(

February 21, 2012

Tuesday, 13:27

Here I go again, writing a letter for you although you will not read it.  Guess what? Yeah, once again, I feel so down that is why I found myself again landing on this blog dashboard exclusively for you.  It’s a very long time since my last visit here.  I didn’t even able to published my latest blogs written on papers because I was busy being happy with you. Though we quarrel sometimes, but I’m still happy that I still have you.

Do I really still have you at this moment? I think not anymore. I know, I gave up last Wednesday.  It was the very first time that I didn’t response all your messages which I didn’t do before even if we were on a fight.  Hope you understand my feelings. I was feeling rejected, until now. I am your girlfriend right?  But why is it very easy for you to ignore me when there is another girl whom you called FRIEND approaching you?

We were talking on the phone but suddenly, there was another call which made you left me hanging.  I would surely understand if it was a customer of yours, but it was not. It was your friend, a girl friend, and, you were just talking non-important things. I was the one you’re talking with first but you left me because of her? We seldom talk right? But, it seemed that you enjoyed more when talking to her than me.  You just didn’t do it once, but, twice or more than twice, and I can’t stand the pain for longer time. 

You’ve just moved on, maybe. Well, good for you.  This would be our last.

 I really want to believe that you loved me. I do believe.

Well, as to fulfill my last promise to you, I was able to send a gift for you yesterday. Yes, a Fossil watch, hope you’ll like it a bit and you’ll receive the watch in a very good condition. A note was included but just ignore whatever written there.  The gift is for closure, even though the phrase “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DADY KO!” still exists in my heart.  The gift is on transit. I do really hope that you will not throw it away. I’m also hoping that it can’t cause any destruction on a new relationship you are building now with someone else.

I don’t know what else I could say to you. Honestly, I want to slap your face for hurting me like this, but, what I want more is to kiss you and hug you tightly. Grrrrrrrrrrrr…!

Amping and God bless!

Bye! L

Letters No. 51, 52, 53

November 18, 2011 – “Breaking Dawn” now showing

Friday, 18:03

     “Last night was the best night of my existence.”

-     Edward Cullen

I supposed to watch this movie today but suddenly, the plan has changed.  I wish we could watch this together.  I know if maka watch ko ani, ako napud ning e-relate natong duha.  You know what, I missed you so much.

I really miss you so bad.

I love you very, very, very much!

Are you lying to me?

Did you really registered to Globe promo  last Sunday or last Saturday night?  Nawa lagi kag kalit gabii?  And so the other night pud.  I’m so sorry nga naingani napud ko.  I know that you are busy sa exhibit and I should understand.  But lately man gud, murag nagsige nakag lie nako. L  two times ko nagtrack nimo in the past few weeks, and the location were somewhere in or near Cabawan Maribojoc, then you said diha ra ka sa balay.  Guba siguro ang tracker.  Di ko gusto mo confront nimo kay di ko gusto mag-away ta.  I don’t want to doubt you that’s why, I stopped tracking you.  Then two Sundays, ni attend kag mass but nakalimot kas sermons, did you really went to mass?  I’sorry.  I’m just being negative.  Yesterday sa net, I can’t help but opened your fb account and shared to you some music videos, binata lang gud.  Tan-aw pud kos fb sa imong x ug sa inyong baby.  Txt2x pa mo?  What’s your plan man?  Do you still like and love her?  Ang nakaingon lang bah, nga di ka makigbalik niya kay gusto nimo siya ma change but dili niya kaya?  Hahay, insecure napud ko. I need you to comfort me. I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!                              18:20                

      

November 28, 2011

Monday, 8:21 Am

      Sayo ta nagsanghiranay nga matog na gabii but dugay ko nga nakatog.  Daghan kaayong na sud sa akong huna-huna hangtod nga nakahilak ko.  Our relationship is full of doubts sa usa’g – usa.  Dili na healthy ang atong relasyon.  One of the goals of this relationship is to inspire each other but as time goes by, mas daghan naman hinuon ang mga hurting moments tungod sa walang humapay nga doubts, selos ug uban pa.  I’ve tried to change everything nga dili nimo ganahan like mananghid na ko ron when I’m about to do something, giplano pa ang akong mga lakaw, ako nang ipahibalo nimo bisan duha-duha pa na siya nga madayon but murag nisamot kag duda.  Then, gibuhat nimo ang mga binali, ikaw napud ang dili mananghid and kung magpahibawo man gani, kanang nahuman na like kadtong nitan-aw kag sine last night nga gibilin ang phone.  Dili jud ka padistorbo?  Daghan ko kaayo ug gitxt nimo but after all, you’re just acting like nothing happened.  You could be happy without me.  Kung puro lang ta bawos bisag walay angay nga bawsan, maguba jud ta.  I love you so much but I guess, this is not enough to save this relationship.  Basin masayang lang ka sa kadugayon natong duha maong gapabilin ka nako.  Sakto ka, we could always be like this until nga mag-uban ta.  Since I’m  hopeless nga moabot nang timema, better to end this na.  kita gihapon but you’re free anytime.

THINGS I NEED TO DO STARTING TODAY:

1.    Never ever visit or open Kidron’s fb account.

2.   Avoid words of sweetness and thoughtfulness to him.

3.   Don’t send him messages if he doesn’t txt me first.

4.   Never demand anything from him.

5.   Expect him to be cold and dry towards me.

6.   Kung magselos ko? I will just keep it as a secret.

7.   Dili ko mowatch ug movies nga iyang giwatch, I will watch another.

8.   I will believe everything he says and keep my doubts to myself.

9.   Avoid talking too much with him.

I’m not doing these things to forget him because it’s impossible to do.  I’m doing these because I want to minimize my pain as well as his pain because of me.

I might be a drug to him.

He gets high, active, happy, hooked, addicted and inlove with me, not knowing that I’m harmful to him, losing opportunities to live completely happy with someone he deserves.  I’m ruining his life.  But first time in history, a drug fell inlove with him.  This drug has life and feelings  because this man added meaning to her existence.  And because of this LOVE, the drug chooses to disappear. L

                                                            9:07 am

December 5, 2011

Monday, 17:40

     

      Gamahay kog dako uyamot nganung niopen pa ko sa imong fb.  Nganung gapatintal pa jud ko ug tan-aw.  Nahugno ko ug nangurog.  Kusuga niniyo magpasuya uy.  Gusto jud ko mohilak.  Nanglibre diay ka ug spaghetti ug burger niya?  Nanghatag diay ka niya ug boxer shorts?  SELOS KAAYO KO!  But I wont let you know.  If mosulti ko nimo, same rag gi spread ni nako sa tibuok kalibotan, I know imo pud ni e-share niya tanan.  Gamahay ko why gapaunli pa kog balik, alkansi jud, ayo pay nitan-aw ko una sa fb.  I don’t know what to do.  Nag kayo2x akong panan-aw jud.  Nasakitan ko kayo but mao man ni imong gusto.  CONGRATS!        Daug napud ka, daug napud mo.  But dili nako ipahayag nga affected kaayo ko.  Mada ra nig pa wal-wala.  Happy tahay ko ug nindot akong pamati.  Wa na bah jud tay secret nga kita rang duha nakahibawo?  Kelangan ba jud nimo e-share sa ubang tawo?  Ako raba, I treasured everything about us.  Kung naa man koy na share sa akong bestfriend, siguro 10% kinadak-an.  A while ago, nananghid ko nga di magpaload.  Busy kos akong blog.  4 letters pa ang akong na post.  In kaso lagi if dili nimo makuha ning mga letters atleast, naa sa blog ma access gihapon nimo.  I’m running out of time.  I can’t tell kung kanus-a ra ko taman.  These nonsense letters are the only witnesses/evidences  how deep is my love for you.  I wrote down all my feelings here.  Basta, I LOVE YOU saksi ning pen ug paper ug si GOD.  Someday, ok ra gud nako ipanghambog nimo sa imong close friends nga patay na patay ko nimo.  Pero mahangyo bah kaha ka nako nga unta dili nimo ipabasa niya or sa laing tawo ning akong mga letters?  Ikaw ray mag-igo jud.  Mo exit na kos imong life.  Ayaw na ko pasakiti intentionally ha?  Aw, bahala na.  amping mo. . .

                              17:59  

Letters No. 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49 and 50

October 6, 2011

Thursday  11:43 Am

Hi! Gikan ko exam.  Asa naman  pud ka,  wan a man pud ka nitxt after sa  “goodmorning”.  What time diay ka gapaunli gahapon?  Anyway, thank you so much gahapon ha.  Nalipay ko kaayo , kaayo, kaayo.  Bisag dili na ta mag-uyab, dili na ta momy-dady, bisag friends ra ta, you still made me feel loved and needed.  Ug sa dihang nitxt kag kalit karon nangumusta sa exam ug gapa share ug 5. J  mana ug share.  J  load jud 10.  J  12:00

14:12   dugaya pud ka momata , diba time-in man kag 1:30?  Para asa kaha nimo ang akong gipang forward nimo nga quotes noh nga imong na erased, why imo man ipa send ug balik?  Naa kai sendan?  Selos ko dah.  Isipin ko nalang na gi value nimo akong mga forwarded quotes and imong gipang saved.  J

                                                14:16

October 7, 2011

Friday,  11:43 Am

Dugaya ko kayo  nakatog ug balik gabii uy.  Gabakho ko kaayo.  Mao na jud ni ang atong cycle.  Human ko nimo lipayon ug pabuhian ug dugo, bawion dayon ug dobleng kasakit.  Sa tanan pa jud nga wrong sent, ang parang Roche pa jud na dung nako?  Pa as if ka nga sige kag txt nako nýa wa ka kadawat sa akong txt kay kay busy ka niya.  If motxt siya, masapawan ko.  Ayo pa siya kay gisheran nimo nga watch kag movie nga hadlok2x.  di siya boring katxt noh?  Close friends man gud pud mo.  Sa imong unli, murag less than 20 ra  ko nimo gitxkan, pang respetora bitaw.  Kung tinuyo man to, grabe na jud ka kaayo, you know what would I feel.  Salig lang jud siguro ka kay inlove  ko nimo.  Naa  bayay  kahumanan ang tanan.  Kahibawo kag unsay akong huna-huna?  Nga gapa share lang kag load nako para maka txt2x mo just like what you did before.  She knows you more than I know you.  I’m too blind to see it.  Nganung mo complain man pud ko noh?  Bright kaayo ka, gikuhaan ko nimog right nga makareklamo.  Yeah, I’m not your girlfriend, not even your friend, I’m just your SEXMATE sa klarong pagkasulti.   L

Sa prangkang pagkastorya, nasakitan ko kaayo karon ug wan a ko makauyon sa atong sitwasyon.  I made up my mind already.  We have to separate our ways permanently.  Kinahanglan na ka nako langkaton sa akong life totally.  Wa man gihapon tay padulngan.  Makadaot na sa usag-usa.  Hindrance ra ko sa imong kalipay ug sa imong gusto nga mo settle down just because while naa pa ko, mabahin ang imong huna-huna.  Ikaw rapud ang nag-ingon nga while motxt pa ko, naa pa kai hope nga magka kita in the end.  Same as me, ingana pud akong huna2x that’s why nasakitan kog ingon ani.  Bisag friends ra ta, magkanunay naa akong hope that’s why apektado ko kaayo if mantiniran ra ko nimo ug txt or nay nilabaw nga friends nimo nako sa pagkuha sa imong attention.  But wa koi mahimo kay wa koi right masuko.  Gilu-om nalang ni nako.  Nakafeel ko nga igo rana kaluoy  ang imong gipakita nako but I’m sorry I don’t need it.  Pero I appreciate it.  Kahit paano gigahinan ko nimog time gamay.  I just need to set a strong boundary natong duha.  No more sweetness.  Just plain kaila ra ta.  Gi block list nako imong numbers para di na ko makadawat ug txt from you.  Assuming pud ko nga motxt ka noh bisag di gud.  Lisud, sakit, but it’s  for the good natong duha and ikaw pud ang maka benefit ani.  Just go, fly away and be free.  Don’t think of me anymore, I’m just done my mission in your life.  I still love you and I always will but I need some space/ air to breathe, I’m too tired and hurt.  I can’t bear further pain anymore.  Honestly, nasakitan ko kaayo ron, gamahay ko why nagbalik pa tag txt, I feel very small sa role nako sa imong life.  But di man ko magdumot samot na nimo.  Mahuwasan ra ni akong gibati ron sa umaabot nga mga adlaw.  But no more us.  Give up na ko.  Have  to love and respect myself.  di  na ko dapat ipakababa akong kaugalingon.  Kung mahuwasan na ko, I will include you na in my prayers.  Pagkugi ug sugod sa kasugdanan Kid, with prayers and ayaw pagdali kay ma pressure ra ka.  Mo settledown ra ka puhon.  Gibansay lang kag maayo ni God kay dili basta2x  ang Iyang ihatag nimo nga pares.

                                                                                21:00          

October 9, 2011

Sunday, 13:49

     How are you?  Musta ang duwa gabii?  Wala man gud ka nireply.  Gikaon nako akong pride.  I removed your name/number from the block list and restore it to my phone.  But still got no txt from you.  Na hurt napud ko but wa koi mahimo.  Ga smart siguro ka or whatever imong gipangbuhat.  Daghang nahitabo sa 2 days.  I don’t know if motxt paka.  Know what, gapaunli pa naman ko last Wednesday, kadtong niabsent ka.  Unli ko 15 days just for you.  Pero ok ra.  Thank you gihapon sa time.  I’m just very focused on you.  I know the reality that I’m just your 2^nd or 3^rd choice or layo ra anang duha.  Unlike before nga first jud.  Bitaw, nag emote ra gud pud ko.  L

Nakigstorya nalang ko aning papel para makuhaan akong kasakit gamay. 

Hate this feeling.

I want you not only for sex,

I love you but can’t be with you!

                                                     13:58

Words from a friend I seeked advice from him:

“Jesus is God’s beloved Son

sent to the world to set free

His beloved creation (man) from sin

But men rejected and betrayed Him Him.

Men are so ungrateful to

God’s greatest love.

What do you think?

Is there something greater than this?

Shame on me to complain.  My pain is nothing compared to what has been stated above.

October 10, 2011

Monday, 13:49

     Watch unta kog “the Notebook” but wa nahuman, makapungot, nabitin ko.  Nagkatalk ta kadyot sa phone ganina but klaro kaayo nga wa ka nalipay.  Istorbo man gud pud ko kaayo, time of work pa baya nimo.  Earlier pa, gi open nako imong fb. Gipulihan nako imong profile pic.  Then nag message si Roche about napud sa imong baby, gi mention niya Nichole Shayne ug si Snooky.  Gitawag pa jud ka niya ug my love.  Mention pa siya nga hubog ka kaayo gabii.  Ayo pa siya kay nakahibawo, giingnan ko nimo ug txkan after nimo magcharge, gapaabot tawon pud ko.  Pero ok ra uy, bisag niingon kag di ka moinom, kasabot ko, nagcelebrate baya mo sa graduation ni Osric.  Kahibawo ka, gaselos ko kaayo ni Roche but wa ko nangaway ha, gachat mi kadyot ganina gamit imong fb pero wa ko gapa as if nga ikaw, para ma aware pud siya nga di ikaw ang online, gawas pa basin gituyo pud  to, naa baya kas CPG if Monday.  Then wa pud  koi right  mangaway, gawas pa, siya man jud imong labanan.  Kahilakon ko but kaya ra ni nako.  By the way, giutro nako imong password – it’s your birthday na.  Pawala-wala nalang ko ani.

                                                     18:07    

I miss you so much!

I love you so much!

Take care always. . .

You’re keeping yourself and your heart away from me,  I’m so sorry kung mo reach pajud kog pugos nimo usahay.  But promise, I’m working on it nga di na ka nako mabulabog.  Basta, deep inside I’m yours eventhough you’re not mine.  L

October 12, 2011

Wednesday, 7:36 Am

     Last Monday, pasalamat k okay nitxt ka after sa akong tawag nimo sa store.  Nagtxt ta but ako ang niuna ug stop and no good night.  Kahibawo ka, taud2x pa jud ko nakatog adto, nakahilak pa ko gamay kay di man pa ko gusto matog.  Saying kay labon nitxt pa ka but I know tingkatog napud to nimo and the main purpose jud was to limit myself sa pagreach nimo.

Gahapon, ikaw kinaunhan nitxt pag morning, wa lang ka kahibawo but I was so happy, nagtxt ta but dili kaayo dugay hantod wan a pud ka motxt. 

Wa pa jud gitugot nga makakita kos movie ng “the Notebook” ug “Friends w/ Benefits.”

Wa ko kapugong at night, nitawag napud ko nimo.  We laugh when we talked about our invention nga cellphone one-time charging then lifetime use.  J  naputol kay nanihapon mo. Txt kadyot then slept early.  It was a very cold stormy night.  Taud2x pa pud ko nakatog.  I was thinking of you, of us.  Naka sense pud ko, nga like what I’m doing, you are also setting a gap between us kanang friends ra jud ta bah.  The only different was that, effortless ka upon doing it.  Ako, muna-muna tawon but makaya ra nako ni.  Thanks for helping me.  We were helping each other in building our relationship and we’re helping each other  in destroying it.  You know what, everytime ingnon ko nimog pilosopo, arte, maru, yaya, buing, etc.. for me, it’s a compliment and I hope someday, you’ll take time to think about me panagsa lang, moingon kas imong huna-huna: “kadto raba siya kay pilosopo, perting arteha, maru, hilakon, yaya pajud mostorya, trying hard/frustrated singer.” Bisag unsa nalang gud, nairita man ka or wa, hope makatawa pud ka usahay sa akong mga craziness.  I know I’m kinda boring sometimes, and many are better than me, but, this is me like what you’ve said, “be yourself.” Makahinumdom diay pud ka nga maldita kaayo ko, selosa kaayo ko and papansin kaayo ko.  Yeah, it’s kinda true.  But kanang papansin and selosa, para nimo ra na.

I loveyou so much Kid!  I miss you so much pajud!  Amping permi!  Good luck sa duwa unya!  Hope di na magbagyo/mouwan.

God bless!  J

                                                8:25 Am

    

      

October 13, 2011

Thursday, 7:24 Am

     A teary and cold morning!  Nakatog kog hinilak gabii, pagmata nako karon, continue gihapon, huuuh makapungot.  Mahaya nako why nitawag pa ko nimo gabii uy.  Wa unta ko nagselos.  Why selosa man gud, ang nakamaot kay di pa jud ta uyab.  Nanghingampa lang ko bah, why sa lain maningkamot man jud kag reply bisag forwarded ra, nako pajud ka gapaload, bisag gabii na kaayo ningkamot gihapon moreply while ako, sayo2x paman unta, but wan a ka gapaload.  Karon, naana pud koi limit sa akong tawag.  After 30 minutes matog na daw ka.  Nindot pa kaayo akong katawa2x but ang ending maghilak ra diay pud ko.  Thanks sa concern diay about adtong tawo nga nag attempt musud sa amoa ha.  I should not give meaning sa tanan nimong gipangsulti.  Good luck sa training! Amping! God bless! 7:33 Am

15:18  lipay ko ganinang buntag bah kay nagtxt ta kadyot nya nawala kag kalit, gakatawa lagi kog taman kadtong US lagi daw naa sa middle east.

But pagkawala nimo, guol napud ko.  Bug-at akong heart lami hilak, makapungot lagi ko oi!  Ayo gani kay nitxt napud ka paglunch time.  Gapahibawo nga naana kas barko.  Lipay napud ko kaayo, then nawala napud, is it because kamo nagtxt? Or walay signal sa lawod?  Hope tungod kay walay signal sa lawud or tungod kay nakatog ka bah. 

Gahimo diay kog albums sa imong fb, akong ilain-lain ang pics unta but wala nahuman kay hinay kaayo ang connection.  Hope magamit nimo ni imong fb someday.

Anyway, pila diay ka txt imong gigahin nako sa imong 250 txts to other networks?  Nahurot na?  mao siguro wan a ka motxt.  Swerteha pud na siya uy, ningkamot man jud ka makapaload tungod niya, sukad ra jud na sauna.  I’m not only referring to one girl ha, daghan baya na sila.  Makapungot jud ka kayo kinapungotan, lami kayo ka targeton bah, targeton sa pana ni Cupido para mainlove ka nako! J hahay, sakto jud ka sa imong giingon gabii, BOANG jud ko kaayo! J  naboang nimo, tsk!!!

                                                15:29

October 15, 2011

Saturday, 18:45

      Happy kaayo ko Kid! Thank you for spending your night with me last night didto sa hotel while you were alone.  Nag overflow akong kalipay but you just failed to say this phrase to me  “ILOVEYOU”.  Pero sige lang, I LOVE you gihapon super duper I LOVE YOU.  Thank you sa time, thank you sa pag need nimo nako thank you, thank you, thank you!  Kahibawo ka, taud-taud pako gabii, after I closed my eyes, my mind still wandered in the place where you were, and I continued kissing your lips and the rest of your face.  Then pagmata nako, I still smiled murag naa ra kas akong tapad.  Hadlok napud ko basin mabawi dayon napud.  Ayaw sa ko pahilaka karon adlawa Kid ha?!  I love you so much Kid always jud na.  but happy ko overall.  Bisag nawa kag kalit ganina pag-abot nimo inyoha niduwa kag basket but nagtxt man pud tar on while gasuwat ko.  I love you kayo Kid!  I know ma expire na ka ron taud-taud, mingawon napud ko nimog samot.  I hope mingawon paka nako and txkan pa ko nimo puhon.  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH KIDRON DADY KO!    18:56

19:05  by the way, nakawatch nakog “Friends w/ Benefits”, nice story, nice movie, kadto pud “the Notebook” nice pud kaayo, but you know what, make made them so special, it’s because, kita ka and kita pud ko! J  wa lang ka kahibawo but that really means a lot to me. J 

Kita napud kog new pics nimo but familiar na ko ang pics gisendan nako nimo adto sauna.  Akong giapil sa imong album sa imong fb.  Kumpleto na jud imong album hapit.  Abi siguro kag sige rakog fb noh or watch og bold, ngana man jud imong hunahuna ingon ka.  If you know lang, mas permi ko mo open sa imong fb balik-balik tan-aw sa imong pics, ibalhin ra nako if nay laing tawo.  Dili ko mabung mao to nakagama kog albums nimo.  Hope ma appreciate nimo akong gibuhat ug di ko unta nimo kasab-an nga sige kog panghilabot.  Bahala ka uy.  Wa koi mahimo, kay labaw na kong way mahimo sa akong feelings.  Mao na jud kini, ikaw ra jud ako!  19:15

October 16, 2011

Sunday, 16:57

       Is that what you really think of me?  You know what, happy ko this morning pagkahibawo nako nga nagmiscol ka 10 times pa jud, call na unta to kung natubag pa nako.  Nasayang ko kaayo, nisamot ko kalipay kay nagtxt ta unlike in the past two Sundays, but nakurat lang k okay nikalit kautro ang tanan.  Even me is dying to talke with you but wrong timing lang jud kay naa koi mga kauban and dili pud ko registered sa call.  Hantod nalain imong huna-huna or daan ra jud na siya nga lain.  You don’t directly told me but kasabot man ko.  Ngano diay kung ikaw mawa ug kalit, pasabot diay naa kai laing katxt, kaistorya or unsa pang binuhatan?  Why kung ako maot naman kaayo kung mawa lang ko kadyot? Customers? Unsa diay akong gibaligya, lawas?  Tarungon nako? Ang unsa, ang pakipag fonsex sa lain?  Sakitan man ko kaayo.  Nagkeep kog green jokes? Wala man. Di man pud ka nako ma blame kay bisag dili ta uyab, makig phone sex gihapon ko nimo.  Meaning bah diay ana nga daghan mo or ingana pud ko sa uban?  How about sa mga laing adlaw nga libre ko and nagkinahanglan ko nimo,but,wala ka, gisabot man nako nga dili na ka akoa naymore.  Sorry sa pag correction nako sa “making love” nga sex ra kay mubo ra.  I didn’t mean to insult you but try to hear from you, basin diay moingon ka makig ingana ka nako kay love ko nimo gihapon.  Nakatog ko gikan wan a man gud lami imong gipanulti, makasakit na kaayo, but ikaw napud ang wala moreply ron, maybe unya kung makatawag ko nimo, dili napud ko nimo tagdon, awahe na ang tanan.  Pero bisag ingana ra ko sa imong huna-huna, dawaton nalang na nako atleast naa pa koi papel sa imong life.  Kung ingana jud imong huna-huna nako, meaning dili ko nimo kayang higugmaon, kinsa gud pud lakiha ang mahigugmag ingana nga bae. Basta.  I know myself, yes, I might be sometimes flirty, naughty and horny but nimo ra jud.  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH KID ALWAYS . . .    17:21               

      

October 06, 2011

Wednesday, 7:01 Am

     I feel sad and empty lately but I tried my very best to understand the situation and not be affected.  You’re right when you sent the quote that goes like this : “if you want happiness, don’t be a beggar for love but a donor of love.” J  murag na beggar naman gud pud ko sa imong love that’s why siguro permi ko masakitan.  Aware man ko ana but gahi lang jud kog ulo.  After few days of feeling fine, as if murag ok na ko kintahay, but, nakahilak gihapon ko gabii, abi man gud kog mag storya ta.  Bisag 30mins ra gud unta.  Giandam na nako ang atong storyaan para dili ma waste ang few minutes basta lang magkastorya ta.  Maki-usisa unta ko about news sa PMI, musulti ko nga kita na kos pics nimo sa birthday ni Jed, nga friends na mi ni Rowena sa fb, etc…

Well, I realized nga respeto ra jud tong pagsugot nimo nga motawag ko.  Just like the other night, naka sense siguro ka nga motawag ko mao nga gi off nimo imong phone.  Midyo nahuwasan ko ganina mga 1am nakamata ko then pagtan-aw nako sa phone nitxt ka mga 12.  But mao man gihapon, wa man gihapon ka nakigstorya. L

It made me sadder and think that gituyo to nimo para morning na nako mabasa and molabas nga gusto pud ka makigstorya but natog na ko.  Ayo pa lagi nga wa ko kamata para morning na nako mabasa then mag assume ko nga gusto pud ka.  But maybe, gituyo pud sa higayon para makarealize ko nga din a ko dapat maingani nimo.  Imagine, gapaunli kog 7 days just for you but kaisa ra nako nagamit.  Di na kita but I’m still acting like/doing things nga the same sa kita pa, which is wrong.  Once again, I deleted your name sa phone, hope dili na nako e-save ug balik.  Maghuwat nalang lagi ko when ko nimo hinumduman, kamingawan, storyahan ug txkan ug kinahanglan.  When pa kaha ni nako mahimong routine Kid? Hope ASAP.  I miss myself before, kadtong time nga naka get over na ko sa akong feelings for Carlo and before ko nainlove nimo.  I should not dwell on our past.  I love you Kid! I love you so much! I miss you dady Kid! L I missed the time when you said “I love you” to me. L

                                                     7:36 Am

November 9, 2011

Wednesday, 10:50 Am

     I was very happy adtong time nga nagbalik ta.  Nabalik ang atong relationship, ang mga lines nga nag contain ug “I love you”, “I miss you”, u gang atong tawagan nga “momy” and “dady”.  What’s missing?  Ang ginagmayng away2x and misunderstandings and confrontations.  Each one of us nagpugong and maybe trying to be mature and widen our understandings.  Well, this is really good.  But, dili kay kana ra, lately, nakabantay ko that we are not like before.  I know you feel the same.  I can’t even tell if I still know you now as much as I knew you before.  We’re back on track but seems like layo na ta sa usa’g-usa, unlike before nga bisag layo ta in distance, but, close jud ta kaayo.  Now, murag daghan ng hesitant.  Ambot ngano ni.  You’re getting cold.  Or kulang lang jud kos attention.  Kung magtalk ta, maulian ko sa akong worry ug kaguol but after ana nga conversation, motigbabaw jud ang imong kabugnaw nako.  I’m sorry kung gahuna-huna kog ingani.  I love you so much and afraid ko nga mawala ka nako.  I just have to adjust myself.  kinahanglan ma lesser imong time para nako para you have more time to be happy.  Our relationship has come to its natural death that we don’t need to shed tears.  Enough na jud siguro ang atong pinagsamahan.  We both learned from each other.  I don’t want to be selfish.  Bisag uyab ta, you’re always free.  I only own you in my heart.  Safe ka diri. 

Kita kos fb sag f ni Carl, nay album didto sa birthday ni Chai2x, and permi ka ma caught adto sa camera nga nag txt2x ka.  Last 2010 man siguro to.  I assume nga ako to imong katxt, and I’m so happy.  Kita kos imong porma nga nagtxt.  Last night before I went to sleep, I spent too much time thinking of you.  And wa ko napakyas, gidamgo ta jud ka tibuok gabii. J  I love you and I miss you so much!

                                           11:16 Am

November 14, 2011 – your mom’s birthday!

Monday, 14:53

     Thank you for calling me last night.  Happy kaayo ko more than you could ever think.  Thank you for reminding me again how much you love me and for letting me feel that you still need me.  Fifty minutes is too short for a conversation with you but it was great! J  in just fifty minutes, you have opened up my mind and helped me grow into a mature person when it comes to love and relationships.  We are old enough to spend so much time for  nonsense quarrels instead of widening our understandings.  Thank you for holding me, I’m feeling safe now.  Dady Kid, my love for you is always at its maximum level in my heart, no one could ever replace you here.  I’m mature now dady.  I know you love me because if you don’t, you wouldn’t have waste your time, money and tears for me.  I feel blessed and overwhelmed to be loved by you. J  I can feel your love despite the great distance between us.  I just hope that you feel the same way too.  I love you so much, I really, really love you so much dady Kidron!

We believe each other.

We love each other.

We have faith and we know that what we have now is real.

You taught me everything about love dady.  Kahilakon ko sa kalipay nga gahuna-huna nga ikaw akong uyab.

Salamat kaayo sa love dady ha. J 

You are always my dady gwapo and the best boyfriend in the world.

Mwaaah, mwaaaaah, mwaaaaah!                       15:39                

      

letters No. 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38 and 39

September 27, 2011

Tuesday 11:40 Am

Tanang sakit sa kalibotan: hilanat, ubo, sipon, etc…  naa nako karon adlawa.  Di man gihapon ko makalangi nimo oi.  Limited naman kaayo imong txt para nako.  Sige lang, atleast naa.  Murag lisod na jud ibalik sa una bah.  Unsa may status nato karon?  Are we?...  Unsa man ta, friends with benefits?  Ang ingana nga relation is a big NO jud to me.  I told myself before nga never jud ko mahimong other woman.  I wont let myself to be the second choice.  But, murag mao na ni ang nahimong papel nako sa imong life.  Pero who am I para mo complain?  Mao man ni akong ampay.  Dili ang pagka other woman or pagka friend w/ benefits or ang pagka the second choice ha, kondili ang magahinan kos imong time sometimes, nga you miss me sometimes, you love me sometimes and you need me sometimes.  Karon ra ko naingani but bahala nalang gud.  Di lagi ko moreklamo, nalipay na ko sa atong situation bisag limited ra.  Selfish bah ko or martir?  Whatever!  I don’t care… From now on, dili na ko pabigat nimo.  Dili na ko demanding girlfriend.  Mag wait nalang ko kung when ko nimo mahinumduman ug when ko nimo gikinahanglan.

Basta, ILOVEYOU and IMISSYOU SO MUCH!!!

                                                      11:53 Am   

 September 27, 2011

Tuesday 17:52

      Nakatulog jud ko.  Gadamgo nuon ko nga nabasahan sa akong ig-agaw akong mga suwat.  Lagota jud nako kaayo.  Maayo gani kay damgo.  I feel better naman pud now.  Two cups coffee akong nainom this morning, lami pa idugang karon dah.

Nitxt akong bestfriend, naa daw siyaý chicka unya, unsa kaha?  Iyang gipatukar kuno ang CD nga regalo nako niya sa iyang graduation, puro theme songs namo.  How sweet naman nimo bestfriend!

Ikaw dady, hain naman ka, wan a man pud ka motxt?  Sa imong alltxt 20 murag more or less ka 20 nomo gitxkan. L  bitaw ok ra kaysa wala.  Di pud ko moreklamo oi, I have no right baya. Mas maayo pud ning ingani ta kay din a ta mag-away.  I know nasakal ka kaayo sa akong kamaldita ug ka demanding ug kaselosa sauna.  Saon that was the real me.  I considered you as mine man gud, so most of the time, I speak directly to you what’s on my mind and heart hantod masakitan naka kadugayan.  Don’t worry not anymore, kahibawo na ko mo control sa akong self.  Uwawa pud kaayo if mo act k prehas sauna, basin pahinumduman ko nimo nga friends rata sa atong huna-huna ug dughan.  Hahay…

Abi pa lang affected ko.  Affected gud tinuod.

                                                      18:10 

        

September 29, 2011

Thursday 11:31 Am

Hi!  Do you remember wht’s the date today?  Do you still remember its significance to us?  Wa na noh?  Ok ran a, sauna raman pud ni importante nimo or nato.  Makahuna-huna unta pud ka noh prehas nako. 

Dis-a man ka gahapon while nagtxt ta nga wan a man ka nireply?  Padung na raba unta ko magpaload sa globe pag asked nimo if din a ba ko magload sa globe.  Sa tinuod lang, gahuwat raman ko modemand ka gamay.  But nawala man kag kalit.  Nacheckop na diay ka adto orasa?  Ga expect kog inigkagabii pa.  basin pud nitan-aw kag sine gabii noh kay Wednesday man, kinsa pud uban nimo, si Roche giahpon or lain napud?  Or basin pud nang lazer ka.  Ambot oi, ikaw ray nasayod.  Gipabuhian ra ko nimog dugo sa makadyot.  Atleast.

Sauna bitaw, momyhon ko nimo bisag di kita, thenif moingon kog gabalik ba diay ta, motubag pud kag “ngano, gabuwag ba diay ta?” gimingaw na ko adto nga mga lines.  Nibalik akong hilanat dah!  Wa koý gana ron adlawa.

29 – date karon

29 – birthday ni mama

29 – birthday ni papa

29 – gauyab ta

29 – edad nimo gabuwag ta

29 – no. of months nahimong kita 

174 – n0. Of years para makalimtan ka      

I   LOVE   YOU   LAGI   KAAYO   174X

                                                                  

                                                                                                11:45 Am

October 2, 2011

Sunday, 10:14 Am

      Once again, nasayang ang akong unlimited call and text sa globe.  Siguro, schedule lang jud nimo nga mag smart if day off.  Or maybe naa kai date ron.  Di lang jud siguro ko mag-una-una.  Sakto ra tong forwarded txt.  Bisag ingani ra ko, di pud ko gusto makaguba ug relasyon ninyo.  Barrier ra ko sa inyong growing relationship.  Di siguro pud ka mo txt gamit ang imong smart kay basin ma question kaa nako, but di ka dapat ma worry man.  We’re just friends.  L  sakto ra tong pagpaubos sa akong kaugalingon nga despite sa kamatuoran nga din a ta uyab,  dili gihapon ko makabalibad nimo.  Bisag nahulog nga palipas oras ra ko nimo, ako lang gihapon gitake na nga opportunity nga makakuha sa imong attention.  Bisag ako sa akong self, gi-ubsan na jud kaayo sa akong kaugalingon bah.  Nimo ra ko naingani.  Kahilakon gud ko, dugay ko kaayo gabii nakatog.  Samtan pa kay paseloson ko ninyo ni Roche, apektado gud ko pero pa wala-wala lang.  successful jud mo sa inyong goal.  Pero basin nag-angayanay mong duha, galiko-liko lang mo imbes nagduol raman unta mo.  You’re so compatible to each other ang hindrance lang siguro kay naa siyaý bf.  Sige lang, kung kamo, kamo jud diba?  More effort pa!  gituyo siguro pud nimo nga di ta magbalik para di ko mag “dady”nimo.  Bitaw pud, basin maguba imong diskarte if nay makabasa.  Taghuwat ra jud siguro ko samtang wa pa kai uyab.  Correct!

      Know what kung unsay pamati nako ron?  Wa na koi kalainan ni Coi2x.  naay nahitabo ninyo pero dili mo uyab, if nay mangutana dali ra ang pagtubag nga dili mo uyab u gang nahitabo ninyo, matawag rag trip2x lang.  ingana pud ta noh?  Gitripan ra ko nimo diba?  Kay if naa pa kai love nako, mabuhat nimo ang akong mabuhat:  maoy manawag nimo,  magload ko if motxt ka, lodan ka if dili kareply ug dili makabalibad kung manghangyo ka.  Klaro na kaayo.  You just need me but don’t love me.  I’m not complaining, nasakitan lang ko.  Di gud ko gusto masakitan but that’s what I’m feeling right now.  Di ko mo promise but I have to do my best nga ma control nako akong kaugalingon ron adlawa nga di jud mo una ug reach nimo.  Gamayng respect lang sa akong self.  Basin mautro tong time nga gi deadma ko nimo.  Maghilak napud kog lapok suds a pipila ka adlaw.  Kahilakon ko uy.  Gaunsa man gud ka diha?  Nalingaw kag txt2x o storya2x o uban2x sa imong mga prospects?  Well, good for you.  Kasabot na ko sa gibati sa mga tawong permi mo reach nako but dili nako tagdon, sakit jud diay but bisag nakasabot na ko sa ilang part, I still can’t force myself nga tagdon sila.  I just can’t, so nakasabot pud ko sa imong part nga you just can’t give me your attention right now while you’re busy with someone. 

ENOUGH!

Maayo pay mag think ko sa “the 3 idiots” kay magngisi pa ko!  Hahay…

                                                      11:07 Am               

October 2, 2011

Sunday, 14:35

          Tua lagi, nasakitan na nuon ko, naghilak na nuon pud ko.  Gahi man gud kog ulo, wa ko naminaw sa akong kaugalingong advice.  Tagam na jud ko.  Nganong nitawag paman jud ko nimo imo man jud kong baliwala-on.  Basta gani di ka motxt, meaning, wa jud ka magkinahanglan nako or di ka gusto makig communicate nako, namugos pa jud ko oi nga kalaro naman unta ang ilahanan.  Nganong nagparamdam paman gud kag balik? 

Gisayonan pud ka sa akong gibati noh?

Buluka nako kazyo oi!

You just need me to feed your fantasy.

Hope makauyab na kag tarung para dili na ko nimo kinahanglanon para din a ko masakitan ug ingani.  Ayo pay wan a ka mobalik Kid kay kada ingani-on ko nimo, masakitan kog taman2x.  yes you’re right, gimingaw raman diay ka nako noh, wa ko nimo gi love.  Maka find rakag para nimo jud.  Ako ra jud nag sakit2x sa akong kaugalingon if ipadayon nako ni.  I should always protect myself from you all the time.  Wa kay sala.  Taas lang kaayo akong expectation.

                                                                                                14:49

October 2, 2011

Sunday, 16:14

          Didto diay ka ila Endel nagtambay?  Awahe na,  mana man kog hilak, nahuwasan na ko.  Wala diay nimo dalha ang globe, kay smart imong gida noh?  I should know the schedule.  Hingreply napud kos imong txt nga nawala napud kag kalit, maybe duwa napud kag basket, well, that’s good!  Very good japon kay nakasimba ka.  Just go on with your passion, I know kahibawo ka nga manawag ko ron but nilikay ka, sorry sa disturbance, makalimot ko usahay nga dili na diay kita.  Wa ko kahibawo if magtxt pa ba tag balik,  wa ko kahibawo kung unsa ta.  Wa na ko kahibawo.  I should not love you.  Obsessed ra kaayo ko nimo which is wrong.  I’ll just go with the flow but take hold my own heart all the time to avoid too much pain.

                                                                                                16:22  

October 3, 2011

Monday, 12:27

       Thank you for making me feel happy last night.  You know what, having you is like watching my favorite movie “the 3 idiots”.  Why?  Because you just got me goin’ crazy!!!

Gikan sa akong pag sobrang emote, imo napud kong gipakatawa ug sobra.  Because of you, mokatawa ug mohilak napud ug mokatawa napud ug mohilak napud ko.  You make me feel alive…

Bahala na!

                                                                     12:57

October 4, 2011

Tuesday, 12:38

I posted this on your wall sa facebook:

 “with the start of each day, I find myself thinking of you.  In the middle of my busy day, my mind wanders and I think of you.  Out of nowhere I see your smile, hear your lagh and I think of you.  Life is beautiful now that I fallin love all over again each time I think of you.”

Basin imong close friend napud makabasa ani kay di man kaha ka tig open sa imong fb.  I just wonder pag open nako gahapon, gipang accept naman ang daghang friend requests.  Naana kaý laing gitugyanan sa imong password?  Aw, kasaligan man kaha pud siya, ikaw raman pud makabuot ana kay imo man nang account. 

Kita na kong Merzi, I like her , klarong bright and masayang kasama.  Mas naklaro napud nako nga mas gwapa si Ruby ni Roche (or mas puti).  Kalimot kog tan-aw ni Bituin.   

Nag-unsa ka kaha karon noh?  Di na lagi ka tigpangutana sa akong scores.  Ngano gud pud nga ma intresado pud ka noh?

                                                                                     12:50